The 7 People You Have On Your Business Team
The Bearded Millennial*
This guy can spotted by the obvious- his beard.
Attire: Flannel (despite never actually doing a day of hard labor** – unless you count those calloused hands from playing Call of Duty until 3am and mercilessly trying to learn to play guitar to the distress of his house mates) and slim straight dress slacks.
He usually brews his own beer and often refers to how much college debt he has from his state college where he attended business school.
He probably voted for Trump.
*There are 2 very different types of millennial men. Millennial men with beards and millennial men without. This is discussion for another post.
**My father would like it noted that guys with beards are usually hard workers. Beard growing takes a lot of determination…or did he say brewing… it was loud at the Chinese Restaurant.
First Generation to go to College
He’s your good ole boy. Generally identifiable by a southern twang. Not to be confused with a southern drawl – that’s Ivy League shit. They’re too busy on their post grad year abroad to be on your team.
Attire: Flannel (this time unironically. He grew up either on his parent’s farm or helping on a neighbor’s and actually needed a thick flannel shirt) and relaxed khakis.
He’s eager to learn and isn’t afraid to ask loads of questions. Heck, that’s how they made it here in the first place.
Americanized “Foreigner”
Sure you can’t pronounce his name, but he’s the most American guy on the team.
Attire: Button down and slim fit dress slacks.
His parents came to America to achieve the American Dream. He’s a great asset to your team not only because of his killer intelligence from growing up with strict parents but he keeps your team current on the latest music, shows and technology.
Chris with a K
Douche.
The “I’ve Been Doing This Since Before You Were Born” Men.
You guessed it these guys are in the 50-60 age range. With kids the same age as their newest team members.
Attire: Dress shirts and khakis. They even remember the days of suits being mandatory.
Identifiable by being the only people on the team that actually know what’s going on but aren’t looking for any promotions.
Mr. Stuck In The 90s
He hit his peak in 1999.
Attire: Button down and wide leg dress slacks. Oh and of course he’s rocking the spiked frosted tips.
If you miss the 90’s hair you’ll recognize this man when he continually references bands like No Doubt and The Smashing Pumpkins. He always using words like Dope, Bangin’ and Bounce.
The Token Girl
Because I didn’t want feminists asking why there were no girls on the team.
Dieting: As Told By Ron Swanson
di·et
ˈdīət/
verb
gerund or present participle: dieting
-
restrict oneself to small amounts or special kinds of food in order to lose weight.
“it’s difficult to diet”
Well yes Google, dieting is difficult. I personally follow the 1/4 rule. Veggies, fruit, chicken, fish and healthy smoothies the first week of the month. Candy, carbs and other terribly delicious greasy food the remaining three weeks when my diet fails.The process goes a little something like this:
It’s time. This is it. This time I’m going to get healthy and stay healthy.
This diet thing is going to be easy. I’m motivated. I’m all in.
Pinterest has so many healthy recipes. They look so good!
Only 20 obscure and expensive ingredients…
I am so hungry. Need carbs now!
I am so sick of these fruits and vegetables! 
Seriously I cannot eat anymore of this “healthy” food.
I’m feeling lonely, sad, mad, stressed or bored. I deserve my favorite meal! It’ll make me feel so happy!
Oh man…food! I need it all!
Diet officially ruined 
Two hours later…
There’s always next month I guess…
How I Know My Fiancé Drove My Car
I have a thing for shoes and overly dramatic tv shows on ABC Family (FreeForm Boycott).
My fiancé, however, has a thing for flannel and cars.
I love my 2010 Mazada 3. She’s a gray hatchback with a sunroof. I’m in love. On a sunny day you’ll see me aviators on, sunroof open -music blaring on 26.
Occasionally I let my fiancé drive her, it’s not a big deal until I get in and everything is different.
This is how I know my fiancé drove my car:
My parking break is on. Now I have to spend the next five min using my muscles to get it off.
Boy turned my air off!
Unlike my other half I enjoy my ears being blown off at 7.30am when I get in my car.
This mirror brings a new meaning to “blind spot”.
And lastly…
The main reason I know my 6 ft something fiancé drove my car: 
Yeah. 🤔
Thoughts We Had While Looking For Our First House
Let’s go look at some houses. We watch HGTV we know how this works.
Love this house! It’s perfect for us!
Ew…that price is not good…
Time to lower our expectations
We really only need a few core things as long as it’s an open concept.
But we need to be able to resell it later…
What if we buy a house and can’t get rid of it later?!
I don’t want to be stuck with some terrible house forever!
It needs to be something we can live with if we have to.
Seriously though, we’re too young to afford all this!
Maybe we should just get an apartment…
No, we can do this! We just need a fixer upper in a good neighborhood.
It’s like Chip and Joanna always say “You want the worst house in the best neighborhood”
Why can’t we live in Texas so we can be on their show?
They’re just so cute together. I hope my fiance and I are that cute when we’re married with a bunch of kids.
Seriously though, I want their house.
Okay back to searching
No…only one bath
Really? No garage?
Cute! But I’ll get mugged in that neighborhood.
Cute! But the back yard is a train track.
Are you actually trying to sell us a house with the foundation caving in?
Cute! It’s pending.
Pending…
Seriously if it’s pending just take it down! I don’t want to even know it was out there if we can’t have it!
I’m tired of looking. This isn’t fun anymore. On HGTV they find and fix a house in like two months!
Finally found a good house! I have a good feeling about this.
They won’t budge on the price? They can’t seriously think their house in worth that much.
No
No
Pending
No
Why are normal houses so expensive! We just want something that isn’t broken, caving in, in a bad part of town and has a place to park the cars!
Found one!
It’s perfect!
They accepted our offer!
We’re getting a house!
Oh my god we’re getting a house!
Holy Shit, we’re buying a house, STOP SPENDING MONEY!
Time for the inspection…
Please tell us our house is perfect…we can’t go through this again.
Coming next time…(unless I change my mind) Thoughts When Having Your First Home Inspection Done
Aka “What does any of this mean and how much will it cost me?”
Dear Siblings: 6 Little Reasons Why I Love When You Come Home for the Holidays
Dear Siblings,
It’s that time of year! The Louisville kid is finished with her exams and heading home for the holidays. The DC professional is hopping on a plane back to Kentucky. Mom is dancing around the house and sending excited texts. We’re all going to be together for Christmas. These are just 6 little reasons I love when you come home…
-
Mom stocks up on food. If we’re lucky enough to go with her to the grocery she’ll basically buy whatever we want. She even takes text requests!
-
Sibling cuddle time happens at least once every holiday. Everyone can use a little cuddle time.
-
Our childhood traditions get more ridiculous with age. And if our parents try to make me celebrate them without you I will cry.
-
Family outings become much more intense. It’s no longer just dinner. It’s drinks, dinner, coffee etc.
-
Going to Christmas Mass is much better with you by my side. We’ve all got our favorite jam and you know there’s someone to wake you up if you start nodding off.
-
BUT most of all I just cant wait to see two of my favorite people!
So you two better hurry on home!! I’m waiting!!
(Well actually I’ll be at work until six, but I’ll rush back home knowing you’re there!)
Love,
The Middle Child
Boy & Girl: Halloween
Three Months Before…
Girl: Halloween is in three months we need to start thinking of our costume.
Boy: It’s in three months you’ll change your mind about 12 times before Halloween.
Girl: Not if I think of the perfect costume!
Boy: Sure…
Two Months before…
Girl: I changed my mind we already did lumberjacks four years ago, it’s lame to repeat it. Plus, it’s not even a costume for you.
Boy: Exactly…that’s why I like it.
Girl: No, we need something better. What do you want to be other than a lumberjack?
Boy: I don’t care…
Girl: You’re not helping! I want something we both like.
Boy: I seriously don’t care. I hate dressing up.
Girl: It’s Halloween we have to. It’s fine, I’ll think of something…
Boy: Okay babe…
One Month before…
Girl: Okay I changed my mind again I don’t want to be Army people. That’s not unique enough we need something better. Any ideas?
Boy: No, I seriously don’t care what we are. Just pick something…
Four weeks before…
Girl: Oh my gosh! Forget being Indians! I came up with a way better idea! You be Charlie Brown and I’ll be the Great Pumpkin!
Boy: If that’s what you want to do…
Girl: What do you think? Are you okay with that?
Boy: I don’t care what we are, just let me know.
Week of Halloween (after entire costume pieces are purchased)
Girl: So I changed my mind…
Boy: Yeah?
Girl: Yes! Let’s be contestants on the Price is Right, it’s way more witty!
Boy: If that’s what you want…
Girl: Well we already bought the other stuff..ugh..what do you think? What do you want to do? Pick one!
Boy: Babe…I really don’t care…
Day of Halloween
Girl: This is a disaster! All my costumes are horrible! That’s it! We aren’t dressing up!
Boy: Thank God…
Girl: No, it’s Halloween we have to! Let’s just be lumberjacks!
10 Commandments of Retail
Thou shalt not tell the customer they’re wrong
even when their coupon is obviously not valid for the product in hand
Thou shalt not yell at the kids
who destroy a freshly folded stack of shirts
Thou shalt not stop smiling and acting friendly
ever
Remember the Black Friday
bring loads of COFFEE
Thou shalt push the card, survey and merchandise
no actually means tell me more
Thou shalt not kill
no matter how much you want to
Honor thy team members
they’re the only ones who understand
Thou shalt follow the PlanoGram
unless it doesn’t fit your store’s Layout
Thou shalt not complain about how much your feet hurt
no matter how long you’ve been standing or how far over your FitBit goal you are for the day.
Thou shalt always remember these crazy days beat sitting at a desk and Computer all day
Gorge Tips, Trails, Food, Camping
Yesterday I asked my brother for advice on my first trip to Red River Gorge. He’s an adventurous man that knows how to make every trip an interesting experience, even if it means sleeping on benches in Europe. I knew he was the guy to ask when it came to not only surviving the weekend but making it a memorable one. He was excited I was finally making it out there, so excited he sat down and created me a guide to the Gorge. I was so impressed by this guide that it seemed selfish to keep it to myself. If you’re going to Red River Gorge you seriously need to read this before going.
Hi sister,
I’m really happy you finally get to experience the beauty of the gorge, it is a rustic place with little oversight which adds to the true feeling of being in the woods. Please don’t take these ideas as law and please explore and have your own experiences! That is half the fun of the gorge.
Some tips:
- You will have very limited cell phone service
- This means: have maps, many maps, maps for everything
- Where to get maps: print out a park map online, print driving directions to the gladie visitor’s center, the visitor’s center can provide you with maps and if they can’t for some reason remember you can always take pictures of the Rager’s maps with your phone, print off a map for Indian staircase and Eagles Point ahead of time as the rangers won’t have these unmarked trails.
- You need a over night permit for each night you are staying, you can get these at the gas stations right when you get off the parkway or you can get it at Gladie Visitor Center, I believe there is a weekend option for like $8.
- There is no electric! Have a car charger
- Bring at least a gallon of drinking water per two people, they have filling stations at gladie and at koomer ridge campground but those are at opposite sides of the park
- Toilet paper: while gladie visitor center has nice working flush toilets this is very difficult to come by in the rest of the park, you will mostly be using pit/vault toilets and they don’t do a great job at keeping them stocked
- Hand Sanitizer: you won’t come by running water except at the visitor center and restaurants
- Don’t forget: matches, flash light (in case your phone dies in the middle of the night), and basic first aid kit (even just some band aids, anti inflammatory etc) (Celeste got stung by a bee last time we were there luckily we had supplies to suppress swelling)
Trails:
1) Jump off rock:Take the suspension bridge trail head on road 715, walk about a quarter of a mile to the suspension bridge, the river will be on your right hand side while you walk towards to bridge, you will actually pass the rock, but you have to take the bridge over unless you want to swim to it (which many people do) allow 1.5hrs
2) Indian Staircase: this is an unofficial trail but easily the best in the park and incredibly well traveled, once you get to the top explore and walk around the rim, look for frog rock at the top! appx 5 miles (moderate)
3) Gray’s arch: one of the most popular trails in the park, so doing this one of off hours is the best to avoid the crowds appx 2-3 miles (easy)
4) Natural Bridge: Located on other side of the parkway way near Miquels. It’s touristy for a reason, because it’s super cool. 300 feet up on a stone bridge. Good to do at dusk. , appx 2miles (So easy you can do it in sandals)
4) Eagle’s point: Unofficial trail, print a good map, located at an unmarked parking area after you cross the concrete bridge on 715, lots of rock hopping and stunning views, there are some ropes you have to use to pull your self up later on in the trail, appx 4 miles (moderate-difficult but fun)5) Ask a ranger at Gladie! The Rangers have all shorts of advice and will help you plan routes that make the most sense. I also heard the windows are a common hike people do
FOOD!!!!
1) Bring food but leave it in the car, also try and minimize chocolate, it will melt in the car but you need some for smores haha. Remember don’t leave food in the tent if you can swing it. If you do, seal it, wrap in in a million things, mask all sent of it (this includes food garbage)
2) Sky Bridge Station is one of the only food options on the main side of the parkway, have of beers and play some darts. TALK TO PEOPLE! I’ve found some great new hikes this way
3) Miquels: Is this heaven? Probably.They grow most of their veggies on site. Expect a pretty big wait (maybe an hour). Grab an Ale-8 or five and just wait it out until your glorious pizza is ready. You order these by the slice(ish). You get a piece of paper and you mark how many slices you want and check the boxes for toppings, be creative. It’s all family style seating (inside and out) so it’s totally normal to sit next to other people. Again talk to people. A good convo starter: you guys do any good hikes today? Remember this is on the other side of the parkway by Natural Bridge
Camping:
Koomer Ridge is the only true camp ground, everything else are just sites, some sites are well marked on the maps (see the link I provided above), other sites are off the trails.and you sort of have to stumble upon them.
Celeste and I stayed off gravel road #39 (see map), we did the car sites off that road one night, and there is the trail head for grays arch off that road. Off that trail head there are a few morel sites about a quarter mile off the trail (we did one of those one night).
have fun,
your bro
An Apology to the Guys I Dated in High School
Let me begin by stating none of you were terrible people, for that I am truly grateful. Each of you taught me something unique that I carried with me after our time ended; again for this I thank you. Yet, when I look back into my prior dating years, I have one large regret: I didn’t take my role in your life seriously enough. For this I apologize.
High school is a formative time in our lives, for a lot of us it is our first set of relationships. This is the time we begin to form the way we treat others and the way we let others treat us. Due to my lack of confidence and respect for myself I became the girl that went with the flow and didn’t want to rock the boat in our relationship. Whenever I felt upset I reminded myself you were just a high school boy and chalked it up to lack of experience and maturity. I never took the time to communicate or to teach you the right way to treat me, you never knew what you were doing wasn’t what I wanted because I never taught you.
It took until College to really figure it out. It took another guy teaching me for me to realize what I should have taught you. He worked with me slowly, showing me everything I deserved even when I didn’t understand. We learned to communicate together, to ask for what we wanted without fear of causing problems.
None of you were The One, but that doesn’t mean I should have ignored your journey. For not standing up for myself, for not always being myself – I never gave you the chance to learn. Life is all about experiences – learning, and I apologize for teaching you little.
With each relationship we gain new perspective, a new understanding. With each stop in our journey we can aim to better ourselves and others. I hope another girl took her role more seriously, that she had enough confidence in herself to teach you what I neglected to.
We cannot be lazy in our relationships, for each person we touch; we have a chance to teach.
Mandatory Ramblings of A College Grad 